Thursday, January 8, 2009

Bigger Than Me

If you've been a faithful follower of this blog for a while, then you know about our family's struggle with whether to go into the mission field or not. If you're not sure, then check out the "Struggling" and "Struggling #2" posts (sorry, not sure how to do links).

A few nights ago, I asked Rich what his biggest fear would be about moving to the Philippines so that I could go to school. His biggest worry was money. My biggest worry was being so involved with school & clinic for 2 1/2 years that I wouldn't be able to be with the kids full-time (or even part-time) like I am used to now.

My 2nd biggest worry was the afterschool issue. With the degree I earn at Newlife (Associate in Midwifery), would I be legally able to practice here? Would we come back to Eastern Canada? Would we have to move out west? To another country? Another continent? Newlife specializes in preparing midwives to serve in 3rd world countries - that's right up my alley. I've never actually been off this continent, though, so what if I'm wrong? What if Rich hates it? What if, what if, what if???

A while ago, I realized something. God hasn't asked me to plan out my life. He hasn't asked me to plan out what's going to happen in 10 years or next year or even next week. He's already got that covered, and all He asks of me is to TRUST him. He knows what He's doing, and He knows exactly what is going to happen and how my life is going to work out.

Right now, I'm confident that His answer to the "do we go to Newlife" question is no. I also know that if the question comes up again in a few months or years, the answer might be different. When and if the answer is "yes", then my job will not be to make it happen. My job will only be to let God work through me. He's big enough to make it happen, no matter how small I am.

If we go to Newlife, eventually, it will mean big changes. Perhaps it will mean a completely different country for the rest of our lives. Maybe it will mean a new province in Canada. Maybe it will simply mean 2 1/2 years serving the families in Davao and then back to life as we know it. I don't know, and that's okay. I'll let God handle it.

Here's my favourite verse. I'm really glad that when I don't know what's going on, then at least God does!

I know the plans that I have for you, declares the LORD. They are plans for peace and not disaster, plans to give you a future filled with hope. Jeremiah 29:11 (God's Word Translation, C 1995)

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