Saturday, August 29, 2009

Slowing Down

I'm taking the first 3 weeks of September off from my electrolysis job (except the 12th, where I'll be playing catch up for the desperate). I started working from home before Eva was born and I haven't taken much time off since. Even when the babies were born, I was back in the saddle - or white esthetician chair - within a couple weeks. Looking back, I don't think I'd do that again.

It feels so liberating to go about my business at home without worrying about whether or not I'll have all my housework done by 6 pm. Supper dishes not cleaned up? No worries, we can sit at the table and chat a bit. Didn't get my hair done right this morning? 'Tsokay, and may as well keep the comfy clothes on. Graedy throwing a fit on the floor of the waiting area? No clients looking slightly embarrassed and uncomfortable.

It feels a little strange, too. I'm so used to rushing and trying to see my home through a stranger's eyes. It will take some getting used to being so laissez-faire.

I could definetly get used to this.

My mom asked me this morning if I was enjoying my children. No one ever asked me that before. I thought about it, and I've realized that yes, I am. Still, because I work from home, I spend a lot of my time getting ready for receiving my clients. I'd much rather be reading a book with the kids or colouring. Every so often they hit a milestone and I realize that months, years have gone by without my taking particular notice of the individual days. I've been trying very hard lately to make more time for them, not to worry about reaching some status quo in my activities, lifestyle or home.

I know so many mothers who participate in every activity they can with their children. I admire their energy, courage and scheduling abilities. It's not for me, though. There was a time when I tried to cram in Library StoryTime, Cubbies, Gymnastics, Play Group, Play Dates, Moms Night Out, Volunteering, Women's Bible Study and frankly, IT DROVE ME NUTS!! Any of those things are wonderful, but all of them are a sure and certain path toward my mental breakdown.

So, we pick and choose. I believe in volunteering, and so that stays. The kids love Cubbies, so that stays. The occasional play date, one activity per child at a time and as many cuddles, under cover story telling, and impromptu nature walks as we can fit in. It's not fancy, but it's how we love each other.

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