I feel like crap. Not physically (although this nagging summer cold is the pits). I got semi-accepted for the African Birth Collective trip in February and...I turned it down. I e-mailed the director with my decline, and now I feel a curious mix of relief, disappointment and "que sera sera". Here's an excerpt from the e-mail I sent her:
"I've given a lot of thought to the African Birth Collective trip, and the interview with Kristi gave me a lot of insight. My husband and I have thought and prayed about it, and I am sad to say that I believe it would be best for me to pass.
This trip would be amazing, and such an educational experience for me, but with my level of experience, I do not think that I would be the right kind of help for you. I think it would be better for everyone if I gain more experience before participating in such an intense program.
Please accept my sincere apologies for having to turn down the trip. I'd like to apply again in a few years when my comfort level and experience can help me be a better help to you and the team."
So, there you have it. I just couldn't shake the little nagging feeling in the back of my mind saying that this wasn't right for me. Although it is still a trip I'd like to take, I know that the timing isn't quite right given my level of experience.
When we talked about it, my mom said that I was still very young and had plenty of time to get to the level I need. Frankly, some days I feel like a dinosaur.
I have another trip up my sleeve, but I won't write about it yet. Perhaps that one will work out?