Resolutions are those promises you make to yourself that, somehow, always get broken. It's like they're meant not to last. So, in that spirit, here are my resolutions for 2012:
*Get extraordinarily fat.
*Amass a ridiculous amount of debt.
*Live for myself and myself only. The kids can fend for themselves.
*Revel in the joys of a dirty home. The crud on the toilet will surely boost our immune systems. I mean, MY immune system. After all, I'm living for myself, now.
*Stay up 'til the wee hours and sleep in 'til noon.
What are your non-resolutions?