Friday, July 23, 2010

Some Days are Hard...

We've been having a hard time with our middle one. She is normally the cheerful, snuggly child, but in the last few weeks she seems to have developed an extremely stubborn, whiney, and defiant personality. Perhaps she senses the changes to come with baby? Maybe she resents that I'm no longer able to do all the things I used to with her? Either way, Rich and I have had it up to here!

We went to a friend's house a few days ago. In 2 hours, Eva refused to share, whined for no reason, demanded dessert (no please or thank you), threw a tantrum when she realized it was Jello and not candy, and generally made a ruckus. I tried to hide my red face, and vowed to never let her leave her room again. When we got home, our conversation went like this:

Mom: Hey, Eva, let's play a little game!

Eva: Okay! *giggles & claps*

Mom: It's called the Good or Bad Game. I'll say something and you tell me if it's good or bad. What if you're at someone's house and they offer you lunch. Should you cry?

Eva: *realizes it's a trap* No.

Mom: What if they offer you Jello and you don't want it. Should you throw yourself on the floor and scream?

Eva; *realizes she's been found out and that Daddy now knows her naughty ways* No.

Mom: Let's play another game. It's called the Feeling Game. What if Mommy is at someone's house with Eva and Eva throws a fit. Do you think Mommy feels happy, or embarrassed at Eva's behaviour?

Eva: *quiet pause* I don't want to play anymore.

So, we're trying to figure out what to do about Eva. Any suggestions? Remember, they have to be legal.

I'll post another entry with some ideas I've got.


cuddles said...

I'm heading to town to buy Dr. Sears' discipline book this weekend. I've had it up to *here* with BB's kicking, head-butting, and hitting. I feel like I'm doing something wrong... Maybe it has something to do with our situation. I have no idea, but something needs to change. Feeling your pain right now.

dad said...

Eva is an adorable 4 year old, who, like all children, go through stages (good and not so good ones!) We parents some times try too hard because we think that that stage is the "end of world" for our little innocent one. You can accept suggestions from friends, but remember Eva is unique with her very own unique personality, character, strenghts and weaknesses. You are the ones who can better detect the needs. We have a hard time to understand her 4 year old world. Examine yourselves and apply any good common sense parenting to the situation and continue to love her and respect her for who she is as she grows up. My one suggestion is to be careful in sharing publicly how your children behave (when they behave badly). When it come to their attention that we talk about them, they are easily embarassed and hurt, making the problem harder to fix if the bond of trust is broken. Their little spirits are easily broken. Iam so proud of you and Richard, you are doing a wonderful job of building your home. Being concerned about your children is good, it shows you care and thats what matters.

Emilie said...

Cuddles - My dad left a comment right after you, and I think that made a lot of sense!

Dad - Thank you! I guess it HAS been a long time since I was 4...on the bright side, we had a much better day today. I spent more time with Eva (and all the kids), and gave her special jobs that she could handle. She really responded well to that. Thanks for the advice. She *is* a special girl :)