Friday, June 4, 2010

And So This Is It...

How is it that even after 3 other pregnancies, I forgot about the third trimester? My body, my mind and my emotions are in full rebel mode. I am going through that normal pregnancy phase where I am getting ready to finally let this baby out. I am bonding with this child, spending more time sitting and "listening" to it. My body is stretching, gaining bulk, and being uncooperative with those every day movements I must do - bending, reaching, sleeping and crouching to play with the kids are becoming things of the past. I'm easily bothered, annoyed and disappointed with everything. Everyone. I have no patience, it seems. I just don't want to do anything, yet I want to do everything. I had come to a point in my life where I had made peace with myself and my life situation. Not anymore.

I feel like a lioness - on the prowl, pacing, batting at her cubs because they want to chase her tail, ready to chase down some poor little antelope and snap it's neck. Hey, you've gotta eat, right? But, maybe I'll just lie here in the sun until it passes.

And, it will. In a couple months this baby will be born. I will be at times ecstatic, at times weepy and sad, sometimes angry. Often I won't know what I am. Give me a year and I'll be myself - or a new version of myself. For now, I'll just take it one breath at a time and be thankful that waking days are only 16 hours long. I can take it for that long.

1 comment:

ARandomLife said...

So we are in the same boat...miss crabby ass has been with me all day and I cant seem to shake it. At least the sun came up...that can lift our spirits! Just hang in there! Or hold on for the ride..whichever works ;)