This is an update for the blog I wrote earlier. I came across this entry in another blog, and it touched me. Like she says, dying to self is not popular, nor is it understood, but this is something I need to work on. Perhaps this is what God is telling. Take everything away from me, bit by bit, and I will see what I am really made of.
Have I done everything I can for my family today? Have I listened and nurtured and taught my children 100% today, or have I brushed them off in favour of a textbook or educational website? Have I focused on my marriage, or have I found fault in the way my husband has reined me in to tend to the here and now instead of what maybe could be kinda might happen? Have I been too busy building myself up, worrying about me, my education, my desires?
Ouch, this entry hit home - and rightly so. I may have been pushed off my pedestal, but it was kind of shaky anyway. I am humbled.
I still need the prayer, though, please.
Finding Joy in Losing Me
I have found one simple answer for finding the greatest joy in being a wife, mother and keeper of my home, and that is in losing me. There is hardly a moment in my life when I have time to myself. Hardly a second when I don't feel someone else very close to me, if not literally climbing all over me :0).There was a time in my life when I definitely felt tied down. My heart was not right at all. I was full of my self. Self is a HUGE joy killer for many women today and one of the main reasons why there is no joy in the home. It isn’t popular opinion, I know, but I am not writing for popularity. When even an ounce of “self” is allowed in, the joy of the home is squelched. It cannot run properly, according to the will of God, when self is an issue for the home keeper.One of the most difficult things for the SELF to do is to put OTHERS first. One of the sweetest blessings in life is when we learn to put ourselves aside and live in servant hood, dedicating our lives to the service of others! When we love God and want to serve Him, one of the best ways we can do this is by serving those that have been placed in our lives.Christ was a perfect model of servant hood. He never put Himself first. The verses in Romans 15:1~3,5 say:We then who are strong ought to bear with the scruples of the weak, and not to please ourselves. Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, leading to edification. For even Christ did not please Himself; but as it is written, “The reproaches of those who reproached you fell upon Me.”….Now may the God of patience and comfort grant you to be like~minded toward one another, according to Christ Jesus…There are so many ways we can seek to serve those precious people that been placed in our lives. We do not even have to leave our homes to begin! Wives have their husbands and children to think of. Girls have their mothers, fathers, sisters and brothers to think of. The Bible says in Galations 6:2 “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.”How can we help bear the burdens of those who are under our very own roof tops? Ask yourself, “What can I do for this person, whom I love, to bless them and make their life more joyful and pleasant?” Live according to 1 Corinthians 10:24, which says, “Let no one seek his own, but each one the other’s well being.”Serving others is the Lord’s perfect will! It takes the focus off of ourselves and we begin thinking of ways we can bless the lives of others! The most beautiful gift you could ever give to someone is to show them how much you love them, by laying yourself aside.And you know what!? You will find that it is the greatest gift and blessing you could ever receive yourself! When we put others first and ourselves lastly, we begin to experience bountiful joy!
www.awomansjourneyhome.blogspot.com
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Struggling
Somedays, I really struggle. I mean, really, really struggle. I'm not going to go into all the ins and outs of it all, but I'm being seriously tested right now!
Since I've been a kid, I've seen missions in my future. Since I was a teen, I've known I've wanted to do something medical, in the birth area of life. Since being pregnant with my first child and hiring a midwife to follow me through that pregnancy, I've narrowed it down to midwifery. I checked out various schools in Canada (BC, MB, PQ, ON), but none really clicked.
Then, two years ago, I found it. Newlife International School of Midwifery (www.midwifeschool.org). It's a midwifery school/clinic in the Philippines that gives free prenatal care & births for women who cannot afford healthcare. It's non-profit, and all tuition goes toward running the clinic. Best of all, it's a Christian school. It sounded perfect for me - education for the mind, spirit and character, missions, midwifery all wrapped into one. For over a year, I prepared myself - I lived and breathed midwifery & the Philippines. I started reading through the required reading list, I followed some of the students' blogs, I e-mailed with the director, students, missionaries, scrimped and saved. I became a birth doula, had another baby...
Finally, this summer, we felt that it was time to make a decision. On the advice of a missionary I met at VBS, we asked 10 people to pray for us to finally figure out if it was time to apply. And the answer was "no", loud and clear.
WHAT??!! We had asked for clarity, and we got it - debt started piling up in the form of leaky rooves & broken-down cars, I became so busy with the kids, their schooling, work & life in general, Richard started enjoying his job, certain key people pulled out their support, extended family started getting sick...it was a no go, but I didn't understand.
Why would God allow me to find the school in the first place, give me such a huge desire to go, get me all hyped up, then take it all away? I am left confused, angry, frustrated, disappointed, resentful and very alone in my struggle. Is this a test from God to see how faithful I am? Is this a test to see how much I really want this? Is this a test to see if I will give up what has been most important to me for years in order to honour and obey my husband? Is this a joke?? Or, as some people have commented, is this an attack from "The Enemy" (note here: I hate when people call Satan "The Enemy". I mean, obviously, he is, but "The Enemy" sounds so silly, like we're in a role playing game, and wearing capes and swinging swords. Why not "The Terminator" or "Space Captain"?) to wear me down and steer me away from what might be God's plan for me. How do I know the difference? WHAT IS GOING ON??!!
Wishy washy, some weeks the desire is back and it looks like it could be possible. Then, we're back to square one with a reminder of the "no" answer. I am tired.
So, for those who are following this blog - please pray for me. Please try to understand that I need encouragement, and on the days that I am not my usual cheery self, I might need to talk. I need to be reminded that it will work out. Please don't take it personally if I vent. Please pray for peace and healing. Thank you!
Since I've been a kid, I've seen missions in my future. Since I was a teen, I've known I've wanted to do something medical, in the birth area of life. Since being pregnant with my first child and hiring a midwife to follow me through that pregnancy, I've narrowed it down to midwifery. I checked out various schools in Canada (BC, MB, PQ, ON), but none really clicked.
Then, two years ago, I found it. Newlife International School of Midwifery (www.midwifeschool.org). It's a midwifery school/clinic in the Philippines that gives free prenatal care & births for women who cannot afford healthcare. It's non-profit, and all tuition goes toward running the clinic. Best of all, it's a Christian school. It sounded perfect for me - education for the mind, spirit and character, missions, midwifery all wrapped into one. For over a year, I prepared myself - I lived and breathed midwifery & the Philippines. I started reading through the required reading list, I followed some of the students' blogs, I e-mailed with the director, students, missionaries, scrimped and saved. I became a birth doula, had another baby...
Finally, this summer, we felt that it was time to make a decision. On the advice of a missionary I met at VBS, we asked 10 people to pray for us to finally figure out if it was time to apply. And the answer was "no", loud and clear.
WHAT??!! We had asked for clarity, and we got it - debt started piling up in the form of leaky rooves & broken-down cars, I became so busy with the kids, their schooling, work & life in general, Richard started enjoying his job, certain key people pulled out their support, extended family started getting sick...it was a no go, but I didn't understand.
Why would God allow me to find the school in the first place, give me such a huge desire to go, get me all hyped up, then take it all away? I am left confused, angry, frustrated, disappointed, resentful and very alone in my struggle. Is this a test from God to see how faithful I am? Is this a test to see how much I really want this? Is this a test to see if I will give up what has been most important to me for years in order to honour and obey my husband? Is this a joke?? Or, as some people have commented, is this an attack from "The Enemy" (note here: I hate when people call Satan "The Enemy". I mean, obviously, he is, but "The Enemy" sounds so silly, like we're in a role playing game, and wearing capes and swinging swords. Why not "The Terminator" or "Space Captain"?) to wear me down and steer me away from what might be God's plan for me. How do I know the difference? WHAT IS GOING ON??!!
Wishy washy, some weeks the desire is back and it looks like it could be possible. Then, we're back to square one with a reminder of the "no" answer. I am tired.
So, for those who are following this blog - please pray for me. Please try to understand that I need encouragement, and on the days that I am not my usual cheery self, I might need to talk. I need to be reminded that it will work out. Please don't take it personally if I vent. Please pray for peace and healing. Thank you!
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Ka-Ching!!!
Oooh, I just love a good deal! If you look up "frugal" in the dictionnary, my picture will be right next to it. It will also be right next to the word "cheap", but let's not dwell on that!
This purchase made my day. I bought an entire trunkload of homeschool books for $50! Canadian! Some of these books were listed at $60 a pop, so what a bargain. The fun globe was originally $100, and the lady was kind enough to throw in some ice skates and a funky karaoke machine complete with revolving disco ball. Sweet! The expense of homeschooling had been weighing on my mind, so this was a huge blessing. The woman I bought these from introduced me to an excellent curriculum that won't break the bank, so I'm feeling pretty optimistic!
Next on the "ka-ching" list, is Toad Broth! I don't normally buy juice boxes, but I couldn't resist!
While I've got that picture up - did anyone notice the frame in the background? That's a picture of me with cute little Charlotte. I was her mom's doula this summer. That's a story for another time, though...
This purchase made my day. I bought an entire trunkload of homeschool books for $50! Canadian! Some of these books were listed at $60 a pop, so what a bargain. The fun globe was originally $100, and the lady was kind enough to throw in some ice skates and a funky karaoke machine complete with revolving disco ball. Sweet! The expense of homeschooling had been weighing on my mind, so this was a huge blessing. The woman I bought these from introduced me to an excellent curriculum that won't break the bank, so I'm feeling pretty optimistic!
Next on the "ka-ching" list, is Toad Broth! I don't normally buy juice boxes, but I couldn't resist!
I bought 44 boxes of Toad Broth for $1.97! That's 4.4 cents for each box. Wow! And, on top of that, it contains real fruit juice. 'Course, the juice is listed way at the end of the ingredient list, so I'm pretty sure that when they say that it "contains pure fruit juice" they probably just waved an apple and a handful of grapes over the juice maker at the factory. I'm going to overlook that for now. BTW, I am not going to take kindly to anybody commenting on this note and telling me that I didn't save any money because I spent it on fake toad broth when I could have been drinking free water. I know that, but on what other occasion can I safely feed my children toad broth?
While I've got that picture up - did anyone notice the frame in the background? That's a picture of me with cute little Charlotte. I was her mom's doula this summer. That's a story for another time, though...
Saturday, November 8, 2008
I am not a social butterfly. I always wanted to be like one of those girls that floats around parties and crowds, giving two-cheeked kisses, tossing her shiny blond hair and waving her dainty, manicured hands at all her adoring fans. You know, the kind who giggles into her ever-ringing phone and gets invited to all the coolest parties.
Nope, not me. I've been known to duck behind pyramids of canned veggies at the grocery store at the sight of an aquaintance. Too shy to know what to say, and terrified that they might think I have nothing better to do than hang out at the Superstore on a Saturday night. It's a whole lot easier to give in to my social awkwardness than to step outside my comfort zone and strike up a conversation.
Today, though, something happened. It's been a long time coming, really. The girl in paragraph 2 actually existed only a few years ago. Slowly, she's been morphing into something far different from the chubby little caterpillar she once was. Today, I called up a girl and asked her to go shopping with me. Just like that. I never do that, but today I did. And we went, we had a great time, and she even helped me find a very flattering outfit.
I'll probably never be the flitting butterfly from paragraph 1 (gosh, I hope not!), but I am trying out my wings a wee bit. Turns out it's kind of nice out here beyond my comfort zone.
Nope, not me. I've been known to duck behind pyramids of canned veggies at the grocery store at the sight of an aquaintance. Too shy to know what to say, and terrified that they might think I have nothing better to do than hang out at the Superstore on a Saturday night. It's a whole lot easier to give in to my social awkwardness than to step outside my comfort zone and strike up a conversation.
Today, though, something happened. It's been a long time coming, really. The girl in paragraph 2 actually existed only a few years ago. Slowly, she's been morphing into something far different from the chubby little caterpillar she once was. Today, I called up a girl and asked her to go shopping with me. Just like that. I never do that, but today I did. And we went, we had a great time, and she even helped me find a very flattering outfit.
I'll probably never be the flitting butterfly from paragraph 1 (gosh, I hope not!), but I am trying out my wings a wee bit. Turns out it's kind of nice out here beyond my comfort zone.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
God's Measure - Getting out the Soap Box
I volunteer with Pregnancy Care Center. They provide free pregnancy tests, emotional support, counselling, education on options for unplanned pregnancies, a "Give Mom's Credit" program (they can "earn" Walmart money toward buying baby stuff), free maternity and baby clothes, free layettes, etc. They are there for pregnant women who might otherwise have nowhere to turn.
When we receive used clothing donations, it's our job to go through and discard whatever isn't in top shape. It's important that the clothes we have available for our clients be in like new condition - no stains, no tears, no over-washed look. So, at our last clothes sorting, we sat around and inspected the cute little bibs, onesies and sleepers. I admit, I don't sweat the small stuff. I've been known to bring my kids grocery shopping in mismatched socks with smashed carrots on their shirt sleeves. But, at work, I am professional! Now, what is "like new" for me, may not be "like new" for someone else, so there were quite a few times when one of us would hold up a little dress and ask, "Is this little stain on the collar noticeable?" or "Do you think this sleeper is too pilly?" When in doubt, throw it out.
This blog entry really isn't about stained clothes. It's about something deeper. What I came to realize during our keep or chuck session was that it didn't matter if there was baby barf stain all the way down a onesie, or if there was just a little discoloration on the sleeve. If it wasn't perfect, it didn't make the cut. Like us. It is so tempting to compare ourselves to the people around us. If we look hard enough, we'll always find someone who is a bigger liar, a lazier employee, a more disrespectful son/daughter...but that's not the issue. If we measure ourselves against the world's yardstick (or metre stick for us Canadian folk), we will never know exactly how tall we are because that measure is faulty. If we measure ourselves against God's yardstick, then there is no hiding our true measure.
One lie makes a person a liar, one murder makes a murderer, one theft makes a thief, one sin makes a sinner. One saviour makes us saved.
When we receive used clothing donations, it's our job to go through and discard whatever isn't in top shape. It's important that the clothes we have available for our clients be in like new condition - no stains, no tears, no over-washed look. So, at our last clothes sorting, we sat around and inspected the cute little bibs, onesies and sleepers. I admit, I don't sweat the small stuff. I've been known to bring my kids grocery shopping in mismatched socks with smashed carrots on their shirt sleeves. But, at work, I am professional! Now, what is "like new" for me, may not be "like new" for someone else, so there were quite a few times when one of us would hold up a little dress and ask, "Is this little stain on the collar noticeable?" or "Do you think this sleeper is too pilly?" When in doubt, throw it out.
This blog entry really isn't about stained clothes. It's about something deeper. What I came to realize during our keep or chuck session was that it didn't matter if there was baby barf stain all the way down a onesie, or if there was just a little discoloration on the sleeve. If it wasn't perfect, it didn't make the cut. Like us. It is so tempting to compare ourselves to the people around us. If we look hard enough, we'll always find someone who is a bigger liar, a lazier employee, a more disrespectful son/daughter...but that's not the issue. If we measure ourselves against the world's yardstick (or metre stick for us Canadian folk), we will never know exactly how tall we are because that measure is faulty. If we measure ourselves against God's yardstick, then there is no hiding our true measure.
One lie makes a person a liar, one murder makes a murderer, one theft makes a thief, one sin makes a sinner. One saviour makes us saved.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
The Underground Movement
This week we're learning about how animals get ready for winter. Bears hibernate, foxes adapt, geese migrate, insects...hmm, what do insects do? I wasn't quite sure, so we went on an insect hunt. Armed with a Mason jar to collect the little critters, we hit the yard. We looked under rocks, in holes, on branches, dug in the garden...and that's where the trouble started.
Looking for bugs quickly turned into an underground adventure. I was ordered to dig, but after a few minutes of scraping, the hole was pronounced too small to fit all three of us in. Maddie gave it a shot, but found the rake too awkward. She ran inside the house to put on some work gloves (winter mitts), and knelt in the mud to get the job done. Still, after a few more minutes, she was only up to her ankles. I suggested we wait for Daddy to come and help us with some bigger tools (I was sick of digging), but Maddie had a better idea. She ran to our friendly neighbour's to ask if she could borrow the tractor! She came back 10 minutes later, heartbroken, to announce that her dear Grammy Margaret - the adopted grammy from next door - didn't believe her in her quest for the underground. They also wouldn't let 4 year old Maddie borrow the tractor. Darn.
We did find out what bugs do during winter. They hide - I mean, hibernate. We also ended up with a load of muddy laundry, a bath, mud all over the floors and what appears to be an empty mason jar upended on Madeleine's bed. Oh dear.
Looking for bugs quickly turned into an underground adventure. I was ordered to dig, but after a few minutes of scraping, the hole was pronounced too small to fit all three of us in. Maddie gave it a shot, but found the rake too awkward. She ran inside the house to put on some work gloves (winter mitts), and knelt in the mud to get the job done. Still, after a few more minutes, she was only up to her ankles. I suggested we wait for Daddy to come and help us with some bigger tools (I was sick of digging), but Maddie had a better idea. She ran to our friendly neighbour's to ask if she could borrow the tractor! She came back 10 minutes later, heartbroken, to announce that her dear Grammy Margaret - the adopted grammy from next door - didn't believe her in her quest for the underground. They also wouldn't let 4 year old Maddie borrow the tractor. Darn.
We did find out what bugs do during winter. They hide - I mean, hibernate. We also ended up with a load of muddy laundry, a bath, mud all over the floors and what appears to be an empty mason jar upended on Madeleine's bed. Oh dear.
Monday, November 3, 2008
Homeschool
We've been unofficially homeschooling for a couple years. Madeleine is 4 1/2 years old, and Evangéline just turned 3. Here are some photos of what you can expect to see on a school day at our house! Keep in mind, some of these pictures are from Halloween week. We don't always do pumpkin math!
One of the great things about homeschool - you can wear your tooth fairy costume all day, every day! Here, Maddie is working on the number 6.
This week, we are talking about how animals prepare for winter. We are learning about hibernating, migrating and adapting. People adapt by eating lots of food, wearing winter coats and building fires in our homes.
We made cupcakes - this taught Maddie motor skills (peeling the paper cupcake holders apart, placing them in the cups, scooping, filling, cracking the eggs, etc), fractions (okay, tell me when the oil gets to 1/3), comparisons (are all the cups filled the same amount?), following instructions, and PATIENCE (are they ready yet???).
Pumpkin math. I had no idea Maddie could do this until Richard taught her using her fingers.
Eva is barely 3, so I don't push her to do too much. She has her own workbook that she colours. For the most part, she can keep up with Maddie on most subjects.
Apple picking field trip during "Where does our food come from?" week.
Field Trip during "Where does our food come from" week. We visited Grampy's work at the farm. This pic shows Eva feeding the calves.
Grampy showing where milk comes from. The girls were allowed to taste the fresh milk, but it wasn't a big hit!
Grampy and Eva feeding a newborn calf.
Maddie has other activities during the week. This takes care of the "S" word - socialization! Here she is getting ready for her first day of school readiness (like preschool). Obviously, she intends to ride her horse there :) . She also goes to gymnastics, and they both go to Sunday School, Cubbies and visiting friends.
One of the great things about homeschool - you can wear your tooth fairy costume all day, every day! Here, Maddie is working on the number 6.
This week, we are talking about how animals prepare for winter. We are learning about hibernating, migrating and adapting. People adapt by eating lots of food, wearing winter coats and building fires in our homes.
We made cupcakes - this taught Maddie motor skills (peeling the paper cupcake holders apart, placing them in the cups, scooping, filling, cracking the eggs, etc), fractions (okay, tell me when the oil gets to 1/3), comparisons (are all the cups filled the same amount?), following instructions, and PATIENCE (are they ready yet???).
Pumpkin math. I had no idea Maddie could do this until Richard taught her using her fingers.
Eva is barely 3, so I don't push her to do too much. She has her own workbook that she colours. For the most part, she can keep up with Maddie on most subjects.
Apple picking field trip during "Where does our food come from?" week.
Field Trip during "Where does our food come from" week. We visited Grampy's work at the farm. This pic shows Eva feeding the calves.
Grampy showing where milk comes from. The girls were allowed to taste the fresh milk, but it wasn't a big hit!
Grampy and Eva feeding a newborn calf.
Maddie has other activities during the week. This takes care of the "S" word - socialization! Here she is getting ready for her first day of school readiness (like preschool). Obviously, she intends to ride her horse there :) . She also goes to gymnastics, and they both go to Sunday School, Cubbies and visiting friends.
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